Follow Your Fire Friday with Debb:

Creating Space: The Scariest (and Best) Decision I've Made in a Long Time!

Dear Diary,

I know ... I missed Spill the Tea Tuesday this week. I needed a day. Maybe two. Ok three. My head was super full this week. So was my to-do list. Along with my stomach turning, to be totally honest. So, welcome to Follow Your Fire Friday instead. Apparently, this week wasn't about tea. It was about fire. During this whole blog-writing journey, I'm learning something. (A lot of things actually). But the parts that make me pause and tap myself on the shoulder are: It's not about perfection. It's not about knowing what's coming next. Yes, we can definitely set goals and plan sh*t, but ultimately, we never truly know what's around the corner. It's about being present. Living. Listening to yourself. It's about taking care of yourself when you need it. And this week ... I needed it.

If You've Been Following Along ...

You already know a little about me. You know I teach yoga. You know I teach HIIT Pilates. Mostly in sweaty hot rooms for many years. Temperature hot. Not naked hot. Calm down. Yes, that is a thing. Naked yoga. Interesting. Never been interested. No judgement if you have. Kudos to you. I've run retreats. Women's Wellness Retreats. No offense boys. I've done wellness coaching. I'm currently the Team Lead of an incredible group of 30 yoga and Pilates instructors. I'm a newlywed. I'm navigating the joyride that is perimenopause ... Weight gain. Night sweats. Sleepless nights. Extra emotional. The whole glam pack. Yes, I'm a "crying cancer" as they call it. Or maybe I just made that up. But yes, I'm aware that we're known to be emotional and moody (like that's a f*ckin' problem ... assholes!). See what I mean. Seriously though, I cried yesterday morning when someone (anonymously) put a duck on my jeep. I was like, "awww ... it's lavender too, my favourite colour and it's winking ... it must be a sign from the universe." True story! Life is full. Really full.

The Stuff That Lights Me Up!

Last weekend, a few colleagues and I led a HIIT Pilates Teacher Training. Which yes you know that if you read last week and if not, here she goes! Can I just say ... THAT'S MY SH*T. Seriously. Watching someone who doesn't believe in themselves, slowly realize,

"Wait... I CAN do this." That fills my cup. Spilling over full. Helping new instructors become confident. Helping them to find their own voice and stop apologizing for taking up space. Showing them that change is uncomfortable, but that's where growth happens. Reminding them that being a great instructor isn't about being perfect. Sometimes it's simply ... "Don't be an asshole." I know. It sounds obvious. But awareness is a gift and sometimes, common sense is the sense that's not common. Jus sayin' ... "be kind" in other words. Otherwise, no one will come back to your class! And you'll probably lose your job.

Birthdays and Big Picture Moments

My birthday was last month and I was on vacation. Two things that make me zoom out, create space and look at my life through a different lens. So, naturally, my brain started asking me ALL of the questions: Am I where I want to be? Am I making enough money? Am I living authentically? Am I serving people? Am I serving myself? Am I making a difference? Am I having fun? Am I being kind to myself? (Yes ... this is how my brain works.) My many boxes of old diaries can confirm this.

What's Actually Working

When I stepped back and looked at the big picture, there is so much that is going well in my life and actually pretty awesome. Jus sayin' ... AND I bet you can find awesomeness in your life too! I love where I live. Small-town Innisfil is exactly what my Toronto-raised nervous system needed. People here complain about traffic. I laugh. Toronto Debb is like ..."cute!" I'm married to the nicest guy on the planet. We make a great team. My family is close. Weekly Wednesday dinners at my mom's. My brother. My nieces. Hi Sista Jenn! And other random gatherings. I sold my Toronto condo. I can finally breathe financially again. Which also means, Betty arrived. My dream Jeep. License plate = DJJR, which obviously stands for Debb's Jeep Joy Ride. Fitting. I have awesome colleagues. I genuinely love teaching. There is so much in my life that feels aligned.

The Thing I Could No Longer Ignore

There was just one thing. One thing that kept showing up. My Team Lead role. Not because I don't love people. I do. Not because I don't love the studio. I do. Not because I don't love leadership. I do. But because there were parts of it where I was simply going through the motions. Managing people is hard. Really hard. There are pieces I honestly love. Connecting with great people! (my fave). Coordinating schedules. Planning events. Organizing details. They don't call me Details Deb only on the mat! :) But there were also pieces draining me. And taking up a lot of time and head space. And if I'm being honest, I've been thinking about stepping away for a while. Vacation and birthday zoom out moments made it impossible to ignore this year.

Then Came the Million-Dollar Question/s

If I'm not Team Lead, then what? Do I teach yoga and Pilates full-time? Do I bring retreats back? Do I coach? Do I find a meaningful office job with benefits and a pension like I had years ago in the autism world, while teaching yoga and Pilates part-time? Do I want something hybrid? Work from home? Open my own studio? Finish up my Nutrition Coaching course? (which, by the way, I've been taking for EIGHT MONTHS

and I'm still on Section 3. There are 10 Sections). Do I finally have more time to write?

To perform stand-up comedy again? Do I want more flexibility? More structure? A little bit of both? Do I finally have time to actually sleep? Like real sleep. Not crazy dream heart palpating sh*t sleep ... getting up sweating and shivering at the same time, grabbing a towel and changing sheets in the morning. True story. Drink enough water? Go for walks? Jogs? Read books? Be a wife? Live? The questions just kept coming. And then I realized (and exhaled ...). Maybe I don't need ALL the answers right now.

Fear or Freedom?

The fear is real. Bills exist. Mortgages exist. Adulting exists. But for the first time in years, there's a bit of breathing room. The condo sold. The nightmare tenant saga is finally behind me. (If you're new here ... go back about six blogs and buckle up!). I realized maybe this was finally my opportunity to breathe. To create space. To figure out what lights me up instead of just surviving. Why not thrive instead?

So ...

I Did It. This week. I handed in my resignation notice as Team Lead. And honestly, it went better than I thought. Shocking right? It seems to always be crazier in our minds. Management was super supportive. Understanding. Happy for me. Some instructors said they were sad for themselves but excited for me! And that support means a lot. Walking into the unknown is scary. But walking into the unknown while feeling supported is a gift.

Funny How the Universe Works...

This week I finally did something I've talked about for a few years now. I went to another yoga and fitness studio. Six minutes away from where I live. As a student. Not as the instructor. Not as the Team Lead. Not as "Yoga Debb." Just as Debb. Me. I bought the Intro Special. $15 for 15 days. Ummmm ... Okay! Sold. My deal loving mama is proud! There's something really cool about being Incognito. Nobody expects anything. Nobody knows your history. The friendly front desk girl welcomed me and asked, "Have you done Hot Yoga or Fitness before?" My response: "Yep, a little." ;). I was just another sweaty human trying not to die during front raise shoulder press pulses, (which is actually hilariously hilarious because my regular HIIT Pilates peeps call me the Shoulder Shredder 😂). I guess I got a taste of my own medicine. A little wink from the Universe. Well deserved. Fair!

The instructor was Sweet Charlotte. Years ago, Charlotte used to come to my yoga and Pilates classes. We kept in touch via social media, so this week, I messaged her: "Hey!! I've been meaning to check out Oxygen for years and I bought the Intro Special! I'm off the waitlist for your class on Friday! Woop! Woop! Looking forward to it. See you at 6:30am!" She replied ... "Debbbbbbiiiieee!! OMG!! Yay! So happy you're coming!" The class was awesome. Great vibe, great sweat, great voice, great music, great energy, great timing, great intensity, great motivation. Overall great! I guess great is the word of the day. So great! Afterward I told her how much I loved it. How proud I was of her! How cool it was to see her with her teaching hat on. She smiled and said,

"I was just telling my friend here that my yoga teacher Debb from years ago was in class today ... she's actually the person who inspired me to become an instructor."

Cue the tears. I cried walking back to Betty. Not because I think I'm amazing. Not at all. But because it reminded me ... you never know whose life you're impacting. Not as a yoga or Pilates Instructor. As a human. I remember Charlotte asking me years ago about becoming an instructor. I remember sharing some options with her and reassuring her that she'd be great. She's a natural! And here she is. I also coached her mom a few years ago (who'd never done yoga before). We did an online self-care program for a few weeks that included movement, motivation and nutrition. Charlotte says she's so much healthier now, walking up stairs better, just functional movement. Every day life! Love. Seeing Charlotte (and her mama) thriving now is honestly such an honour. Full circle moment.

Creating Space

So here I am. Forty-seven. Standing in the unknown. Creating space for things that light me up. Maybe it's retreats. Maybe it's coaching. Maybe it's writing. Maybe it's another meaningful career I haven't even imagined yet. Maybe it's all of the above. Who knows. And honestly, I'm at a point where I'm okay with not knowing because I've realized something: Trusting the universe is great (there's that word again). Fucik*n great! Trusting yourself though ... that's where the real magic is at!

Your Turn

Maybe today, you ask yourself the same questions I asked myself. Am I living authentically? Am I making space for the life I actually want? What's draining me?

What's lighting me up? What would I do if fear wasn't making the decisions? Or money? Maybe your next chapter is waiting too.

P.S.

I've secretly (not so secretly now I guess) been thinking about turning all of these blogs into a book. Not just the blogs you've already read. But the stories behind the stories.

Journal pages. Photos. Reflections. The lessons. The funny moments. The hard moments. The stuff that never made it to Facebook, IG or here. Dear Diary with Debb: The Story Behind the Story might be the title. Honest question time: Would you read it?

And one last thing. I have to leave you with one of my favourite quotes. It's credited to Betty White and it makes me laugh every time:

"Why do people say 'grow some balls'? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you really want to be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding." 😂

I LOVE Betty White. I named my Jeep Betty after her. Not just because she's white. But because she's cheeky, fun, adventurous, resilient, and beautiful inside and out. And honestly (since this is a diary and all), those are all things I aspire to be too. So here's to creating space. Here's to trusting yourself. Here's to choosing courage over comfort. Here's to Betty.

And here's to all of us finding the life we're actually meant to live!

Until next Tuesday ...

Building strength, mindset, and real-life consistency … one breath at a time :)

💗 Yoga Debb