TGIF with Debb: 75 Hard & Other Hard Truths

Dear Diary,

This week I decided that I needed to add 75 Hard to my already full life because clearly I needed one more thing! Honestly, I’m ready for it. I need it.  Why? To balance my hormones and truly connect to my mind, body and soul. I know it’ll help me on many levels and yes I’m very aware it’s going to be a hardcore challenge.  As I like to tell my yoga and Pilates students, “challenge equals change … what challenges you, changes you,” so if I don’t walk the walk, who the hell am I to use these words?  Here we go!

If you don't know what 75 Hard is, the basic idea is that for 75 consecutive days, you commit to a few non-negotiables: Drink a gallon of water every day. Follow a structured nutrition plan (no alcohol and no cheat meals). Complete two 45-minute workouts every day, with one of them being outdoors. Read 10 pages of a nonfiction/self-development book. Take a progress photo every day. No skipping. No I'll make it up tomorrow." No negotiating with yourself. Yes, I fully realize that this sounds a little insane. And I also think there is something really powerful about making a decision and then doing the thing.

I’m on Day 4. Boom! Only 71 days to go! So far so good. The thing I was kind of “meh” about was taking a progress pic Every. Single. Day. Like really?  Then I listened to a podcast about it and it’s not so much about the pic. It’s about committing to something uncomfortable that you don’t really want to do. Seeing yourself in a different light.  Building mental toughness. 

And let’s be honest.  I want to lose weight.  I spoke about this before. My new friend named Perry (perimenopause) likes to pack on the pounds (quickly, out of nowhere), bothers me when I’m trying to sleep and she’s a pain in the ass once a month, so I feel this will really kick start the change I need. I'm not going to pretend I know exactly how this is going to go. I trust there will be “I don’t feel like it” days and “maybe just one bite” days (like Halloween for example and at my mom’s especially … oh snap, she hosts Thanksgiving).  But if we always wait for the right time, to do something hard, it’s never gonna happen. So here I am.  I promise to tell you how it's going.  If I'm standing in my kitchen on Day 44 staring at a glass of wine and questioning every life choice I've ever made, you'll hear about it.  There will be no pretending.  My cousin Patricia has decided to join me on this challenge, so we’re keeping each other accountable.  Yep, I’m calling you out.  Let’s do this!  If you'd like to join too, let me know! If not, I get it lol ...

The Mammogram That Made Me Think…

Ok … onto something a little more serious.  I had my follow-up mammogram.  And the result is that I need to go back for an ultrasound in October.  The report said that what they are seeing is most likely related to dense breast tissue, but they want to take another look and rule anything else out.  My first reaction came from my stomach.  Sharp turning.  "Wait, what?  I have to come back for more testing?"  My brain went straight to panic mode.  Then pretty quickly after that, I had another thought.  “If this was a huge emergency, they probably wouldn't be waiting until October.  They got me in for the second mammogram within a week.  Now I'm waiting to be scheduled for an ultrasound.”  So, I'm choosing to take that as good news.  Not pretending, "everything is definitely fine” and not pretending there is nothing to follow up on.  But just … there is something to check, and they are checking it.  And that's it.  This whole thing has made me think a lot about worrying.  I always remember this old quote … “worrying is a waste of time.”  Not only does it accomplish absolutely nothing, it actually creates more stress.  My stomach turns.  My body gets tense.  My mind starts creating stories about things that haven't happened.  For what?  I can't control the result.  I can control how I spend my days between now and October.  And this week, I've actually felt much better about it.  Maybe it’s because I’m too busy drinking my gallon of water, getting my workouts in and taking daily pics of myself. Let’s be honest.  Rui is happily taking my progress pics in my shorts and sports bra.  His favourite part of the day.  His words.  Not mine.  My head is up.  I'm moving forward.  I'm living.  If I were secretly sitting at home feeling sorry for myself, you’d know.  Pretending is not my jam.

A Walk, Some Trees & Gary V

This week I went for one of my 45-minute walks around my neighbourhood (as my 75 Hard outside movement exercise) and listened to Mel Robbins (yes as usual).  And this time, I really paid attention to not only the podcast, but to what I was surrounded by.  Hello, trees.  Hello, lovely little neighbourhood.  Hello, Lake Simcoe.  I really love it here, especially coming from Toronto.  There’s something about walking around here, seeing the water, breathing the air, looking at the trees and realizing:  This is my life.  And then Mel and Gary Vaynerchuk started their conversation. 

This episode was basically a massive kick in the ass about stopping the excuses and actually living your life.  He talked about regret.  About not waiting until you're ready.  About not letting other people's opinions dictate your choices.  About not blaming your parents forever for the things that happened to you.  And one of the biggest take-aways for me was:  We're all going to die.  I know … not exactly the motivational quote you'd expect on your morning walk. But if you actually pause for a moment, it IS motivating because if you knew you had a limited amount of time left, what would you change?  What would you stop putting off?  What would you finally try?  What would you say?  Who would you call?  Where would you go?  What would you stop caring about?  And what would you start doing? Gary's message about living with your funeral in mind really hit me hard. Not in a dark way.  In a "wake the f*ck up" kind of way.  Also, he swears at very appropriate times, which I love.  I also love inappropriate, who are we kidding.  Where the f*ck was I again?  Oh yes! ;)  I don't want to get to the end of my life and think:  I wish I had … 

Maybe It's Time to Stop Telling the Same Old Story

This one hit me hard too.  I've spent a lot of time in my head, telling myself a story.  Sometimes that story has sounded like:  "Well, maybe I overeat because…"  "Maybe I drink because…"  "Maybe I'm like this because my parents…"  And the reality is.  Maybe. Maybe some of it is true.  Maybe growing up with strict immigrant parents and not getting a lot of emotional check-ins affected me.  Maybe there wasn't much room for:  "How is Sensitive Debb feeling today?"  My dad had his own mental health struggles for decades, which as you know if you’ve been reading, eventually took his life three years ago.  My mom worked hard, took care of everything and put food on the table. Literally. She was busy.  It's how they were raised. When you grow up poor, working hard is how you survive. That was their priority. They had their own stories, their own limitations, their own wounds.  And I truly feel that they did the best they could with what they had.  Did my grandparents tell my parents how much they loved them, give them hugs and play with them?  Definitely not.  I've been thinking about that a lot.  Understanding where our behaviours come from can be helpful.  But there comes a point when understanding can become an excuse and I don't want to live there anymore.

We All Have Trauma

I've been watching Intervention lately, (recently added to Netflix) and honestly … wow.  It's heartbreaking.  You see how addiction can take over someone's entire life and their family's lives.  And 99.99% of the time, underneath the addiction, there is trauma.  Pain.  Loss.  Abandonment.  Something that happened somewhere along the way.  And I truly believe that we all have trauma.  No childhood is perfect.  No family is perfect.  No human being gets through this life without some shit happening to them, but we don't all respond to it in the same way.  And we don't all have the same mental or emotional capacity to deal with it. I'm very aware of that. What's easy for one person can be sooooo difficult for another.  This isn't me saying:  "Just get over it."  I know it's not that simple.  But I do think there eventually comes a point where we have to say:  "Ok. This happened.  Now what am I going to do with the life I have left?"  To me, "Own your shit" doesn't mean forget everything that happened.  It means taking responsibility for what happens next.  It means acknowledging the past without letting it run your future.  It means saying:  That was then. This is now.  Maybe it's time to stop carrying things that are already over.

The Mammogram Changed Something in Me

This is the weird thing.  The mammogram wasn't some massive life-changing event.  Nothing dramatic happened.  I went in.  They took pictures.  They told me they saw something and I needed another test.  And I went home.  But for a moment, I had this very real thought:  What if I don't have as much time as I think I do?  And all of a sudden …  I don't want to waste it.  I want to smell the roses.  Literally.  I want to be grateful for a body that gets me through my days.  For breath.  For movement.  For the life force that keeps me going.  For my husband, Rui.  For family.  For friends.  For being able to teach yoga and Pilates.  For being able to run yoga retreats in my cozy home and backyard.  For clean water.  For hot showers.  For having enough money to buy good food and fuel my body.  For Netflix. For my laptop that I'm typing on at this very moment.  For laughing.  For sitting outside.  For Lake Simcoe.  For my Jeep.  For my morning coffee.  For the people who love me.  For the ability to choose what comes next.  That! my friends, I have to say … is a pretty damn good life and I don't want to wait for some future version of myself to finally appreciate it.

And Then There’s Love…

I had a conversation with a friend this week who is struggling in her relationship.  She said it's hard to believe things will change because things have been so on-and-off for so long.  I get it. Sometimes we convince ourselves:  "This is just how relationships are."  Maybe it’s because we've gotten soooo used to what we're used to.  Then she said, "But then there's you and Rui. I see the way you look at each other. I can feel the love there and it reminds me and gives me hope that true love is possible."  Wow.  I had to hold back tears because I definitely do not take our love for granted.  Not for one second.  I was single Debb for a LONG time.  Partly because of my own limitations and struggles.  Partly because I had certain standards and didn’t wait until my 40s to end up with a f*ckin’ loser.  No thank you!  And mostly, I knew that choosing my life partner would be one of the biggest decisions I would ever make.  I wasn't willing to settle for something that didn't feel right.  And now I have this gentleman who texts me when he gets to work every morning, wishing me a good day.  Who kisses my forehead before he leaves for work.  Sometimes I don't even notice because I'm snoring with my mouth wide open.  Sexy, I know.  And then I'll text him when I get up:  "Did you say goodbye this morning? I didn't hear you."  And he'll say:  "Yes, my love. Always."  Always.  That's the stuff.  Not some perfect Instagram relationship.  Just two people who genuinely love each other and choose each other.

And ladies… I hope you know that kind of love is possible. Don't convince yourself that dysfunction is the only option because you've seen too much of it.  Don't convince yourself that you're asking for too much because you want kindness, affection, respect, laughter and someone who actually likes you.  There are good people out there.  And when you find one, notice it.  Appreciate it.  Protect it.  Don't take it for granted.

So Here I Am…

Starting 75 Hard.  Going for daily 45 minute walks. Doing Hot Yoga, Pilates and Fitness  classes.  Drinking my water.  Eating food that makes my body feel good.   Thinking about the stories I've told myself.  Letting some of them go.  Getting another ultrasound in October and choosing not to spend the next month worrying about it.  Making space for what's next.  Teaching.  Moving.  Loving.  Laughing.  Living.  Maybe that's really what this season is about.  Not becoming a completely different person.  Just becoming more intentional about the person I already am and look forward to becoming.  Life is short and none of us gets a guarantee.

So…  Drink the water.  Eat the food that fuels you.  Move your body.  Read something that inspires you.  Call your people.  Kiss your partner.  Take the trip.  Start the thing.  Leave the thing.  Forgive yourself.  Stop waiting.  Smell the damn roses.  You don't have to wait for a diagnosis, a birthday, a new year, a breakup, a job change or some giant life event to decide that your life is worth enjoying.  You deserve to live now.  And that's what I'm working on recognizing too.  One day.  One walk.  One glass of water.  One page.  One breath.  One choice at a time.

TGIF ... until next Friday!

Truth

Growth

Inspiration

Fun

Building strength, mindset, and real-life consistency … one breath at a time :)

💜 Yoga Debb