TGIF with Debb: Making Room for What's Next, and Saying Yes!

Dear Diary,

It’s Friday afternoon, the sun is shining inside and outside, and I have this weird mix of excitement, relief and fear happening all at the same time. And honestly, I kind of love it. If you’ve been following along, you know that I recently stepped away from part of my job as an Instructor Team Lead at a yoga studio. I’m still teaching there. I’m just taking off the Team Lead hat. And that change has created something I didn’t realize I desperately needed: SPACE. Space to breathe. Space to think. Space to be creative. Space to take care of myself. Space to be open to whatever comes next. And the funny (or not funny) thing is, I actually don’t exactly know what’s next. And I’m ok with that because ...

I know myself

I may not know exactly what my next chapter looks like, but I do know myself pretty damn well. I know what lights me up. Connecting with people. I love supporting people. I love yoga. I love Pilates. I love movement. I love learning. I love writing. I love storytelling. I love creating things. I love inspiring people.

And I know what doesn't light me up as much … managing people. It's hard enough to manage myself! There. I said it. I’ve spent a lot of my life learning what I like, what I don’t like, what makes me feel alive and what slowly drains my battery. And I think there’s something super powerful about knowing yourself well enough to say: “This was good. This chapter served me. I learned a lot. And now I’m ready for something different.” That isn't failure to me. That's growth.

When things go wrong ...

I’ve actually lived this way for most of my adult life. Things will go wrong. That's life. Let me take you back to my early 30s. My car broke down. I remember thinking: "Sh*t! What am I gonna do? I can't afford a new car." A few days earlier, I had seen a post online looking for a Bikram Yoga instructor in Australia.

And instantly my brain started connecting dots. What if I went to Australia? What if I rented out my condo? What if I stayed for six months, taught yoga, lived in the studio, made some money, saved enough to buy a car when I came home? And that’s exactly what I did. A few years later, I was teaching at a yoga studio and times were a little tough. Some classes were cut, and once again an opportunity appeared.

A studio in New Zealand was hiring. And what did I do? Rented out my condo. Packed my shit. And spent six months in New Zealand. I guess my life strategy has sometimes been: “Well, this is inconvenient … let’s move to another country.” And here's the deal. Some of the people I met during those chapters are still in my life. Not every day. Sometimes years go by. But thanks, social media, for being good for some things. When we reconnect, it’s like no time has passed. This morning, (true story) my Australian bestie, Rachael, sent me a reel. I sent her a voice note. She sent one back. We went back and forth for a little while and all of a sudden, I was back in Australia. I could feel her warm heart, her humour, our friendship, US! Right back where we were. And I thought: Holy shit. What if I hadn’t gone? What if my car hadn’t broken down? What if those classes hadn’t been cut? What if those things I thought were going “wrong” were actually creating space for something I couldn't see yet?

“Debb, you were always like this..."

When I was updating Rachael this morning, I told her that I got married last year and that it’s almost been a year. I said something like: “It’s probably surprising to hear I’m a wife now, since you knew me as single Debb and we had some wild adventures.” Her response honestly made me pause. She basically said she wasn’t surprised at all that I was married. She said I had always been open to meeting people, putting myself out there, being vulnerable and brave. And that that courage helped me find my husband. She finished by saying she imagined he must be pretty special to have captured my heart. I I was like … "Wow girl, I love you. Let's book a video chat in the next couple of days." Along with a flight down unda now that I have time. Seriously though. Her words really spoke to me and made me think about something. Maybe I have been practicing this my entire life. Being open. Taking chances. Saying yes. Trusting myself. Not knowing exactly how something will turn out but being willing to find out.

Enter Mel Robbins ...

This week I was listening to The Mel Robbins Podcast, (again) and she had Dr. Cassandra Vieten, a clinical psychologist and researcher, talking about manifestation, visualization and creating the life you want.

What I loved about the conversation was that it wasn't about: “Think about a Lamborghini and wait for the universe to drop one in your driveway.” It was much more about the power of imagination, intention and possibility. And that really resonated with me because I’ve believed in the power of mindset for a very long time. I spent a lot of my early 30s transforming the way I thought. And I'm still working on it. But I genuinely believe changing my mindset helped me notice opportunities, believe I was capable of taking them and, most importantly… saying YES to them. And saying yes takes practice. Because honestly, saying no is way easier. No requires very little from us. No means you don't have to be uncomfortable. No means you don't have to risk embarrassment. No means you don't have to wonder if you're going to fail. But yes requires you to show up.

My Visualization Experiment: Stand-up Comedy!

Doing stand-up comedy had been on my bucket list for years. When I was 39, I decided: “Before I turn 40, I’m going to try stand-up comedy.” Why? Because it scared the shit out of me. Also because I love writing. Hello?! I love storytelling. I like to think I’m pretty funny. Just sayin’. ;) And I knew I would learn and grow from doing something that terrified me. So I took a comedy class at Absolute Comedy. They basically told us, "You're either funny or you're not. You can't teach funny. We can teach how to put your jokes together into a 5 minute set. What order the jokes should be in. Hooks. Pauses. Tone. Timing etc."

Cool! Then came the "shit my pants" part. Standing on a stage in front of 100+ people with my own material. Family, friends and strangers. My jokes were mostly about being single, online dating, being the only single person in the room, and yes ... dick pics. I guess that was the chapter of my life where I had the most material for. But before I went onstage, I visualized (for weeks). I pictured myself standing there confidently. I pictured myself remembering my material really well. I pictured my friends faces, laughing in the audience. I pictured them being proud of me. I pictured the applause at the end. I even pictured the applause happening during the set. And guess what? That’s exactly what happened. Even the middle-of-the-set applause after one of my bangers. Thank you very much. 😂. Side note, it wasn't just visualization that helped. It was a combo deal. I practiced over and over and over. I recorded myself saying my 5 minute set (obsessively). When I was driving, I'd listen to myself and try to say the words along with the recording (over and over). I'd practice in front of a mirror. I'd adjust. I'd use my body language and face to make things funnier. It worked! It went really well. Afterward, some of my comedy friends told me that were joining an amateur comedy brawl and told me I should enter. My first thought was, “No thanks. I’m good.” Bucket list checked. Done. But then I heard that little voice: “Why not Debb? Take the opportunity. Say yes.” So I did. I kept writing. I kept practicing. I kept getting better. And I made it to the semi-finals out of about 400 people. Not bad for a yoga instructor with a dick-pic routine.

Is Visualization Woo Woo?!

I don’t think so. And here's the science-y stuff, taken from the podcast and lots of stuff I've read on the topic (not me pretending I'm a neuroscientist). "When we vividly imagine an experience, our brains can activate some of the same neural networks involved in actually performing or experiencing aspects of it.

That's one reason mental rehearsal is used in areas like sport and performance. Your brain can also respond physically to something that isn't actually happening right now." Isn't that cool? Me talking now.

Think about a nightmare. You wake up sweating. Heart racing. Maybe even full on panic mode. The threat wasn't actually happening in your bedroom. It was happening in your head! But your body responded to the experience your brain was creating. That tells me that our imagination is powerful.

And I think we can use that power intentionally. Not to sit on the deck and wait for the Universe to deliver our Amazon package. But to get clear on what we want, imagine what's possible, train our attention toward possibilities and then actually move our asses in that direction.

What about your future self?

This was another part of the podcast that really stuck with me: Talk to your future self. Let's play.

Fast forward one year. Who is Future Debb? What does she look like? How does she feel? What does she do every morning? What does her work life feel like? What has she stopped tolerating? What has she started saying yes to? What is she proud of? And most importantly, what did she have to let go of to become her? I LOVE these questions. When I picture Future Debb, here's what I see. I see a woman who feels strong, fit and physically healthy. And full disclosure, I want to feel sexy for my husband too. Although, for the record, he thinks I'm sexy now. Obviously. But wanting to feel my best for myself and having that extra motivation from wanting to feel my best with him, is a pretty good combination. Future Debb has stopped letting negative self-talk run the show. She's stopped feeding every doubt. She's proud of the work she does serving others and inspiring people. She's finally become her own damn cheerleader. And she has let go of some of the fear and self-doubt that have held her back. But here's the important part: I don't want to eliminate fear completely. Fear means we're human. Doubt means we care. We're not robots. The goal isn't to never feel afraid. The goal is to feel the fear ... and do the thing anyway.

The Elephant in the Room

Perimenopause. Yes I know. She's decided she would like to be a recurring character in every damn blog I write. Night sweats? Yup. Had one this week. Had to change my clothes and my sheets. Shitty sleep?

Check. Weight gain? Still here. And yes, if you've been following along, I said I wanted to lose 20 pounds and keep you posted. So here's the update: I have not. Have I been eating complete crap? No. Have I been exercising? Yes. Could I eat better? Yes. Could I move better? Yes. Could I go to bed earlier?

For sure. Could I be kinder to myself? Yes. And I think that last one matters. Yesterday I went to the library and picked up a nutrition book called Body Love, which talks about (yes loving your body obviously) but also the Fab Four approach. The Fab Four consist of protein, fat, fibre and greens. At every meal. It’s actually pretty simple, and very much in line with what I've been learning about nutrition and hormones. So starting this upcoming Monday, I'm going to give it a proper try and, of course, I'll keep you posted. Because that's what I do here. I experiment on myself and then tell you all about it.

The Truth about Weight, Wine and Why I'm Done Beating Myself Up

I'm very aware that I've said I want to lose weight. So yes, this blog is partly about weight. I'm not going to pretend it isn't. But it's actually much more than that. It's about taking control. Learning what serves me.

Learning what doesn't. Learning that I deserve to feel my best. And honestly, when I'm doing yoga, Pilates and workouts, I notice the extra weight. It makes movement harder. Maybe other people don't see it as much as I do. But ultimately, it doesn't matter. It's how I feel in my body. I want to feel strong. I want to feel capable. I want to feel healthy. I want to feel comfortable in my body. And I deserve to feel that way. I also need to be honest about my choices. Could I drink and eat more five years ago (even one year ago) and maintain my weight? Yes. Can I do that now? It's a hard NO. My body is changing. Hormones definitely play a role. But so do my choices. When I'm stressed, have a lot on my mind, or feel fear and uncertainty, unbalanced, I know I can lean toward alcohol. I'm not talking about getting hammered every night. I'm talking about a couple of drinks here and there. Ok fine, sometimes five. Weekend beers. Wine. Backyard poker parties with Rui. Chips. Summer. BBQs. Friends. Fun. And honestly ... Life is short. I don't want to live a miserable life in pursuit of a number on a scale. But I also don't want to use “life is short” as an excuse to ignore what my body is telling me. I'm learning. I'm paying attention. I'm becoming more aware of food, alcohol, sleep, movement and self-care. And I'm trying to do it without making myself feel like shit because I know that beating myself up creates more stress. More stress doesn't help me sleep. And shitty sleep doesn't help me make healthy choices easier. So… knowledge, not punishment. That's the goal. Knowledge is power.

Making Room

Maybe that's what all of this is really about. Making room. When I stepped away from the Team Lead role, I didn't walk away from yoga. I didn't walk away from teaching. I didn't walk away from people.

I walked away from something that wasn't lighting me up anymore. And all of a sudden ... there's room.

Room to write. Room to create. Room to take care of myself. Room to imagine. Room to lead yoga retreats. Room to explore new opportunities. Room to be curious. Room to say yes. And somewhere way, way in the back of my mind is another big dream: Turning all of this into a book one day. A real book.

My stories. My lessons. My crazy adventures. My struggles. My humour. My perimenopause rants. My yoga. My relationships. My growth. My life. And guess what? I'm already visualizing the cover. Lavender. Black lettering. Simple. Classy. Very Yoga Debb. I can see it. And maybe that's where it starts. Not with knowing exactly how you're going to get there. But with being able to see it.

Your Turn

I want you to try something after you finish reading this. Close your eyes. Like I said, after you finish reading this. Take a breath. And picture yourself one year from now. Not the Instagram version. Not the version everyone else expects you to be. YOU. The happiest, healthiest, most authentic version of you. What do you look like? How do you feel? What do you do every day? What do you no longer tolerate? What do you say yes to? What are you proud of? What did you have to let go of to become this version of you? Maybe Future You can become the person you talk to when you're scared.

The person who reminds you that you've done hard things before. The person who says: “Go for it.”

“Try.” “You can handle this.” “Say yes.” “And if it doesn't work? We'll figure it out.” Maybe manifestation isn't about magically receiving the life you want. Maybe it's about getting clear enough to recognize it when the opportunity shows up. And brave enough to walk through the door.

One Last Thing ...

Rui said something to me today when I was telling him that I'm excited about my next chapter but also nervous of the uncertainty. He looked at me and said: “My love, why take only one apple if you can grab from the whole apple tree? And you can. You're very special.” See why I married this guy? Of course, I cried. And that's exactly where I'm at. I'm not looking for one little apple. I'm making room for the whole damn tree. I don't know what it will look like yet. But I'm excited to find out. And maybe you don't know what's next either. Maybe something has recently gone “wrong.” Maybe you're grieving something. Maybe you've left something. Maybe something has ended. Maybe you're standing in that weird space between what was and what's next. Don't rush to fill it. Maybe the space is the point. It might be the room that's needed for something to grow. Maybe something needs to leave before something new can enter. Maybe letting go isn't about losing something. Maybe sometimes you're letting go of an old version of yourself. And making room for what's next.

One last little kick in the ass from Mel ...

I'll leave you with this quote from Mel Robbins because, honestly, I needed to hear it this week too:

“The hard truth? Doing hard things actually makes your life easier. Every time you avoid that pile of laundry, snooze the alarm, delay that workout, that decision ... it doesn't disappear. It grows. It gets heavier. It drains your energy. But the moment you face it? You get your power back. So whatever you're putting off today because it "feels hard" do it anyway! Future you will be so glad you did.”

So, go do the thing. Send the email. Take the class. Write the first page. Apply for the job. Book the trip. Have the conversation. Go on the date. Start the business. Say yes. Say no. Take care of your body. Take the damn nap. And if you're scared, do it scared.

Future You is watching.

And she (or he) already knows how this story ends.

Until next week,

TGIF!

Truth

Growth

Inspiration

Fun

Building strength, mindset, and real-life consistency … one breath at a time :)

💜 Yoga Debb