Debbie Does Push-ups! Day 9

From Crazy Train to Stepping Off the Train  

Dear Diary

Today’s push-up goal is 89, representing the 89% of girls and young women who report feeling worried or anxious.  Eighty. Nine. Percent.  That stat sounds crazy.  But honestly?  It also makes me (and probably you) feel less crazy.  We’re not alone.

How could we not feel anxious?

Young girls are being targeted constantly.  Makeup.  The right makeup.  The “clean” makeup. Skincare routines.  Eyelash extensions.  My 9-year-old niece told me last week that girls in her class have lash extensions.  I said, “What? Really? Do they get them done? Do they put them on themselves?”  She says, “I don’t know, TT… but they look weird.”  YES!  She will clearly not be getting lashes.  But the point is, the expectations start early.  How to look.  How to act. How to think.  How to be.  It’s exhausting.  I remember walking into a Shoppers Drug Mart a few years ago and seeing a poster that said:  “Be the prettiest girl at prom.”  PROM.  Girls are so young at prom.  Prime targets.  Sad.  I remember my grade 8 prom. My mom bought me a surprise dress. Very doll-like. Not exactly my vibe. But of course I didn’t say anything. I wore it.  Other girls were in chunky shoes, bell bottom pants and vests.  Hello 1992.  Looking back at the pictures now, I looked cute.  But when you’re 13, you don’t want to look cute.  You want to look cool.  And if you don’t.  You worry.  Now add social media.  Comparison from your own bedroom.  Girls today have it hard.

Then come the hormones

When I was 17, my period was completely off.  On for weeks.  Gone for months.  Acne.  Weight gain.  Constant worrying thoughts. So I went to the doctor.  The solution?  The pill.  “The birth control pill works by giving your body synthetic hormones. It suppresses ovulation and creates a controlled, predictable bleed each month.”  Thanks Google.  Debb version.  It doesn’t “regulate” your natural cycle.  It overrides it.  At 17, I didn’t question it.  She’s a doctor. Of course I trusted her.  I stayed on the pill for 12 years.  Twelve!  Light periods. Acne gone.  Minimal cramps. It seemed convenient.  Looking back it feels crazy.  When I started practicing yoga in my late twenties, I naturally became more curious about natural health. As I began noticing my body healing and my overall wellbeing improving, I decided it was time to come off the pill.  And because I’m me … I just stopped. Cold turkey.  Not ideal.  At all!  My period came back with a vengeance.  Heavier.  More cramps.  More irritability.  Good thing I was living on my own and single or I might’ve killed my roommate or my potential partner.  I remember thinking:  Oh.  THIS is what a real period feels like?  How would I know? I’d been suppressing it for over a decade. 

I also started reading about how long-term hormonal contraception can affect mood and brain chemistry in some women, potentially increasing susceptibility to anxiety, addictions or depressive symptoms. Not for everyone. But for some.  There I was again.  In the 89%.  I definitely felt off.  Very emotional.  Yes, I’m a Cancer but way more emotional than normal.  It took about a year for my body to rebalance.  And something fascinating happened.  When I ate whole foods, real food.  When I reduced sugar and alcohol (by a lot).  When I moved my body daily (yoga, Pilates, walking, jogging) I felt like a completely different human.  Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  YogaDebb edition.  When I ate poorly, my cycle was intense.    

I read In the FLO by Alisa Vitti and it changed how I viewed my cycle.  Completely.  I think about terms like being “On the rag.”  Who made this sh*t up? Sounds so gross.  Alisa has such a great way to empower women to view their “special monthly visitor” as truly special.  Menstruation gives us the power to create a life.  Think about it.  That’s pretty f*ckin’ cool.  Excuse my language but it is!  Yes, hormones shift.  Yes, we can feel sensitive.  We also have the ability to use our periods as a way to know what’s going on.  A diagnostic tool.  Being hunched over in debilitating pain, severely depressed, or feeling crazy train every month is not something to just accept as “normal.”  It’s information.  It’s our body speaking.  And many of us are so disconnected, especially after years on hormonal contraception, that we don’t even know what our natural rhythm feels like.  And to be clear:  This is not pill-shaming.  Some women love it. Some need it. Some thrive on it.  You do you.  I’m just sharing what I experienced. 

And then you get married

And suddenly 89% of people ask when you’re having a baby.  Another thing to worry about.  (Ok maybe not 89% but a lot!). Here’s the scoop.  I’m 46 years old.  Yes, many women have babies at my age.  Is it harder?  Maybe.  Is it possible?  Yes.  Is being a mom for me?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Until I turned 42, I was the classic single girl.  Sex in the City watching.  Independent.  “I don’t need a man,” hair toss, check my nails, feeling good as hell. ;) I never really had that “I really want to have a baby” feeling.  Maybe because I was single forever and never wanted to raise a baby on my own and I’d never been with anyone who I pictured having a baby with.  I don’t know.  Maybe I’ve spent most of my adult life with freedom, lots of traveling, doing what I want, and the thought of that changing is scary.  I don’t know.  Do I worry that I might change my mind one day and it’ll be too late?  Sometimes.  Not  89% of the time though.  Maybe I want kids. Maybe I want eight hours of sleep. For now, I’m choosing the life I have.  Not the one everyone else expects.  

And hey, I know that men have pressures too. Humans have pressures. This isn’t a competition.  But today’s stat is about young girls.  And even though I’m not a young girl anymore, I’m still in the 89% sometimes.  The difference now is that I know how to bring myself back. Movement.  Sunlight.  Sleep.  Connection.  Nervous system regulation.  Food.  I’m currently taking a Nutrition Coach Certification Course (more on that when I’m officially certified) because I’ve experienced firsthand how powerful food can be.  Hippocrates said, “Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” (Though my course tells me that historians debate whether he said it exactly that way). Drama.

And here’s what I’ve learned 

Maybe we’re not crazy.  Maybe we’re overstimulated.  Over-targeted.  Over-hormoned. Over-pressured.  Maybe 89% of us aren’t broken.  Maybe we’re disconnected.  Disconnected from our natural rhythm.  Disconnected from real food.  Disconnected from movement. Disconnected from what we actually want.  I spent years overriding my body.  Then I spent a year letting it reset.  And what I found wasn’t perfection.  It was awareness.  When I nourish my body, I think clearer.  When I move, I regulate.  When I sleep, I soften.  When I stop trying to live someone else’s timeline, I breathe.  That’s the shift.  Not from anxious to zen monk.  Not from worried to warrior goddess.  But from crazy train  to stepping off the train.  The goal isn’t to escape the 89%.  It’s to learn how to return to yourself.  Again and again and again.  

Let’s aim for the 11%.  Not zero anxiety.  Not flawless hormones.  But steady.  Grounded.

Keep eating well. Keep moving! 

On that note, I still have 50 push-ups to go today! I did 7 from my toes earlier!  Proof that practice makes progress.

— Yoga Debb

Building strength, mindset, and real-life consistency; one breath at a time 💗