Debrief with Debb: Sometimes the Most Powerful Thing to do is Just Listen

Dear Diary,

After writing last week’s blog about the condo situation (aka my tenants from hell), a lot of you reached out saying, “wow, I had no idea Debb.”  And the truth is …I’m actually pretty good at hiding stress.  Especially at the studio. You're getting positive Deb, grounded Deb, “we’re fine, everything’s fine” Deb. And that’s not fake.  It’s just not the full picture because the studio isn’t the place for me to unload my life.  This is.  This is where I say the things I don’t say out loud.  This is where it’s basically my diary … and you’re reading it (how nosey of you).  Hi Dan. Yes, my brother Dan who used to read my diary when we were younger.  I know.  Moving on.

But I’m not just writing to myself.  I’m writing to you in hopes that something resonates.  That you see yourself in it.  That maybe, you shift something small in your own life.

Speaking of hiding …

Even when I can hide things from people, I can’t hide from my body.

It always knows.  I got sick again this week.  Ugh. So annoying.  Is it stress? Maybe.  Just when I thought this whole condo thing was wrapping up (closing date April 15, woop woop!), I get a message from my Property Manager, “fan coil maintenance discovered an issue.  It’s not covered and needs to be fixed before closing."  Awesome!  So Tuesday night, Rui and I are driving to Toronto, both sniffling, I barely have a voice, going through an entire box of Kleenex. The guy comes, fixes it in about 8 minutes (very nice, thank you sir).  $500.  Then my lawyer calls (tenant situation lawyer, stay with me).“ Just need another $200 to proceed with next steps.”  At that point I was like, honestly?  Take it. Take everything.  So yeah… maybe it’s stress.  Or maybe it’s because we stood in the rain last weekend like dumbasses while packing the truck, freezing, soaked, then drove home like that.  And then it snowed.  So I guess it could go either way.  Stress or stupidity.  We may never know.

But back to the point …

You never really know what someone’s carrying.  This morning in class I played Big Girls Don’t Cry by Frankie Valli (yes, we were on a full Dirty Dancing vibe).  After class, one of the students came up to me and said,“I’m really glad you chose to play that Dirty Dancing song.  When my mom was alive, she took me to see Frankie Valli. It brought back memories.” I got choked up.  He got choked up.  And in my head, I thought,“I know what that feels like.”  Because I do.  Sunday will be 3 years since my dad passed.  But at that moment, it wasn’t about me.  And this is something I’ve been working on for years and something I'm noticing more and more lately.

The “me too” syndrome … 

When someone shares something, our instinct is to say: “Me too.”  To relate. To connect. To show we understand.  But sometimes, it lands as an interruption.  We take their moment and without meaning to, make it about us.  And I get it.  We’re not assholes.  That’s just how the mind works.  But awareness matters.

I’ve seen this in my own life …

My mom (who I love deeply and I’ve spoken about before as the most generous woman I know) has a habit of doing this.  If I say I have a headache, it turns into a full report on her headache.  And I’m left like … cool, I’m cured, thanks.  And then there was Rui.  My love.  Early on, I’d be telling him something meaningful and he’d jump in with “me too” and go off on his own story.  One day when I was talking about someone very dear to my heart (my aunt Val that passed away), he turned the topic to someone else and I finally said:  “Hey, I need to tell you something.  I don’t need a story about Gary.  I don’t care about Gary right now.  I’m telling you about a song that reminds me of my aunt who’ve very important to me.  I just want you to listen.”  And big kudos to him, he heard me.  Like really heard me.  Not long after that, I was telling him something, he cut me off then stopped himself (hello awareness practice) and said, "Oh my GAWD!  I just jump in like a lion! Like my stuff is more important? What’s wrong with me?  Pause Rui.  Pause. Listen."  Growth. Now, we catch each other doing it all the time.  You go, no you go, I cut you off.  Progress. Communication. Raw honesty.

Here’s the thread through all of this …

You can hide things from people.  But you can’t hide from your body.  You can keep showing up, smiling, teaching, holding it together.  But something somewhere will ask for your attention.  Fatigue.  Stress.  Getting sick.  Hormones.  Shutting down.  It shows up.

And at the same time…

The people around you are carrying things too.  Loss.  Stress.  Memories.  Stories you’ll never fully see.  So maybe the shift isn’t to share everything everywhere.  Maybe it’s this:

Take care of your body when it whispers. And when someone else is speaking … just listen.  

No fixing.  No “me too.”  No turning it into your moment.

Just …  “I hear you.”

Thank you for reading and “hearing me.”

I see you. I appreciate you!

- Yogadebb

Building strength, mindset, and real-life consistency, one breath at a time :)