Debrief with Debb: From Condo Chaos to Jeep Dreams

Dear Diary,

The last time I left you, I was packing up boxes from my condo Toronto life … and then I took a couple of weeks off from writing. It's not you, it's me. Just life. Thank you for always being patient with me.

For my readers; when I say Dear Diary, it’s always felt like coming home. “Diary” to me isn’t just a pen and paper (or laptop). It's a friend. The universe. Something that’s always by my side. I truly believe that.

Even when I feel lost at times, I know deep down it’s there. When I meditate (every morning), I get these gentle reminders that something is always with me. Maybe it’s belief. Maybe it’s energy, coincidences, vibes … who knows. All I know is; it’s there. Also … it’s currently 11:11 as I just looked up. Boom!

Anyway … having the universe by my side helps me step out of the craziness of life at times and step into shifting my perspective. The reality is, it's all about how we look at things that matters most.

The Year That Held Everything

Last year, honestly, the most memorable year so far! I got married to the sweetest man ever, in Portugal, surrounded by so much love. And at the exact same time, I had one of the most stressful financial years of my life. My tenants from hell as I mentioned before. They owe me way too much money to even write down. Still in court. Still hopeful, but also very aware I may never see that money again. And in a weird way, I’m okay with that. I’ve let it go. Energetically. Whatever happens, happens.

Closing the Condo Chapter

On another note, cleaning out my condo brought back a lot of memories. I bought it in 2007 while still living at home with my parents. It was in Phase one, not even built yet. Moved in in 2009. That place represented independence. Growth. My early working years. My single life. Sex and the City vibes. Dating and also not dating. More like friends, family, travel … living. And when I was packing up those boxes from my locker, it actually felt … sad. Like saying goodbye to a version of me.

And I had this thought: Did I sell because of my asshole tenant? Because I felt defeated, broke, and forced into it? Or… was it just time? Time to let go. Time to cash in. Time to stop borrowing from banks and family and living pay cheque to pay cheque. Maybe that tenant showed up for a reason.

Rui would strongly disagree. He’s still mad about it. But for me… I don’t know. Maybe it taught me something. Maybe it taught me to let go of what I can’t control. Because yes! I was angry. Hurt. Pissed. Was. Now I’m just like … it was a chapter. It’s done.

Boxes of Old Debb

While packing, I found many boxes of old diaries in my locker. So obviously… I brought them home, poured a drink and that was our Saturday night party. “Brian is so cute. Actually, he’s solid. He looks so cute in his Leon’s uniform.” Omg solid? Hilarious language Deb! I was 18, working at Leon’s. The amount of hilarious, cringe, amazing content in those diaries … wow. It was stomach hurting laugh out loud vibes. But what stood out the most was a pattern. It made me kind of sad. It was basically: "Hey Diary, I have a crush on this guy… but he doesn’t like me. He just sees me as a friend.” Over and over. I was very much “one of the guys.” Which honestly, I loved. I grew up with my brother, hung out with his friends, and have close guy friends of my own (to this day). Came to my wedding in Portugal close. And it’s interesting looking back. I’ve always liked guys. Their brains are simple. Logical. Straightforward. To the point. Maybe that’s helped me understand my husband now. Who knows. But what really hit me is how insecure I was. Like “no one likes me like that.” It made me think about when I first started online dating, it was:“Is he going to like me?” And then years later, it shifted to: “Am I going to like him?” That didn’t happen overnight. It took time. Then came my “I don’t need a man” phase, but I'm open. Which, let’s be honest. I was not open at all. Not even a little.

Let Him in Debb

When Rui and I started dating (and still to this day) he would open doors for me, pay for meals, compliment me, offer to help me with stuff and at the beginning, I’d be like…“I can do this myself.”

“I’ve been doing this forever.” “I don’t need this.” Looking back now, was it independence?

Or was it me not thinking I deserved it? Hmm. I’ll never forget one moment. We were very newly dating. I wasn’t feeling well, sitting on the couch at my parents’ cottage (where I was living at the time), and Rui said,“I’ll go make you a tea.” And I said, “I can do it,” and started getting up. He looked at me and said, “You’re not feeling good. Can you just let me help you? I know you can do it … but I want to make you a tea. Can you just sit down?” I remember pausing. It wasn’t about the tea. It was about letting someone take care of me. And realizing, I didn’t know how to receive it. When you’ve been an independent single woman; traveling to Australia, Scotland, New Zealand, the US on your own, working, teaching, living, figuring it all out, you get used to doing everything yourself. So, when something good shows up, it feels weird. Uncomfortable even.

Single Debb to Relationship Debb

I actually almost broke up with Rui in the beginning because he was “too nice.” Yes. That was my logic. I know. Really? I called my friend (hey Sab!) and said I was thinking of ending it. She said: “Let me get this straight … this guy is kind, opening doors for you, buying you flowers, driving to Toronto at 4am after staying with you in Innisfil, telling you you’re beautiful, comes from a good family, hardworking, good heart, checks all your boxes … and this is a problem?” I said… yes. Big problem. I'll never forget what she said next: “This is your shit, Deb. I think you should give this guy a chance.” (Rui loves Sab very much!) Thank God I listened.

So, to my single ladies …. I see you! I get it. You don’t need a man. Especially not a loser.

But if a kind, solid, maybe slightly buff man comes along and wants to make you a tea or treat you to dinner…. Let him. Not because you can’t do it yourself. But because you don’t always have to.

And now … there’s Betty.

My Jeep Wrangler. My dream car. And it's not just a car. It's something I’ve wanted since my early 20s.

Every time I saw one, I’d think, “that’s my future car.” I test drove one 10 years ago. Then again 2 years ago. Same feeling every time:“I don’t know when… but it’s happening.” After my condo sold, I said to my aunt Ginny (also my realtor, also my matron of honour… she’s a legend): “Once my Mazda dies, I’ll buy my Jeep.” She said,“Why wait until it dies? Sell it now. You’ll get more for it.” Good point, auntie!

So off I went. Sold my car on Facebook Marketplace (in a Rona parking lot, like a normal person), cash in hand, car gone. I remember thinking … wow. That was weird. I have no car. Rui said, “So… are we going to the Chrysler/Jeep dealership?” I said, “Let’s have lunch and think about it.” That afternoon, I was signing papers. Picked it up Monday. Boom! I f*ckin love this thing. Again, it's not just a car. It's a symbol that dreams come true. That I work hard and deserve it. That life is short and why wait until something “dies” to move forward? Letting go and moving forward is powerful. And also… she’s a beauty. Her name is Betty. Like Betty White. Strong, cheeky, fun.

Full Circle Moments

So yeah …. It’s been about letting go and letting in. Letting go of old spaces. Old stress. Old versions of me. And letting in. Support. Love. Joy. A man who just wants to make me a tea. And a Jeep named Betty. Maybe that’s what growth looks like right now. Not big, dramatic changes. But small, real shifts.

Letting go of what doesn’t serve me. And finally allowing myself to receive what does.

Thank you for reading. I see you. I appreciate you!

Maybe it's time to make one of your dreams a reality.

Jus sayin' ;)

— Yogadebb

Building strength, mindset, and real-life consistency, one breath at a time.