Spill the Tea Tuesday with Debb ☕️ Hormones, Habits & Being Kinder To Ourselves

Dear Diary,

Last time I wrote, I talked about hormones, perimenopause, interrupted sleep, night sweats, body changes, weight gain and my goal to lose 25 pounds in 10 weeks. 

Since then, I’ve learned that I’m not alone in this journey.  Cheers to each and every one of you who reached out, who resonated and who shared your stories.  I love love love hearing them.  I see you!  I hear you!  I love you!  Ok, back to me lol … 

I’ve written down my goals, visualized myself feeling stronger (while weirdly looking at old photos of myself when I felt more fit/slim), started tracking my macros again, moved my body more consistently and honestly, I’m already feeling stronger.  Not just physically. Mentally too.  I’ve been doing more strength training lately.  HIIT Pilates with weights classes and F45 classes (5 classes a week), plus hot yoga (on top of teaching 8 HIIT Pilates/yoga classes/week).  And recently, two walk/runs.  And by “runs,” let’s calm down. I definitely was not running. I was aggressively jogging.  And honestly, I forgot how good it feels to move outside again. The first two minutes are hell. Like, “why am I doing this?” kind of hell. But then eventually, with sweat, pacing, mindset shifts and good tunes, heaven arrives.  

There’s something weirdly satisfying about the mental battle of:

“Okay, let’s jog to that tree.”  Then:  “You can walk after the tree.”  Then:  “Okay now the next tree.”  At one point I seriously thought my heart was gonna bounce out of my chest, but I’m so stubborn that I had to make it to the fuck*n tree or I’d be annoyed with myself all day! 😂 True story.  And, this is where the deeper reflection started …

Why Are We So Hard On Ourselves?

Lately, I’ve been noticing just how hard I am on myself.  Don’t get me wrong.  Pushing yourself can be a good thing for sure! Discipline matters. Goals matter. But if I didn’t make it to the tree, would it be the end of the world?  No.  So why do we do this to ourselves?  Why is it that we can speak to our friends, family, students with so much compassion and encouragement, but when it comes to ourselves, we become our own worst critic?  Recently, I made it my goal to become more aware of my internal dialogue. To notice the little comments. The subtle self-judgment. The “ugh, I look bloated” kind of thoughts. The “you should be doing better” thoughts.  Awareness is step one.  I talk about this all the time in my classes. The power of mindset. The power of language. The stories we tell ourselves. Not because I’m some enlightened guru floating through life on a cloud of positivity or some happy clappy bullsh*t, but because I deeply relate to having to “catch myself” in order to coach myself.  That’s the real deal.

The Mirror Moment

The other day while teaching a hot yoga class, I caught myself looking in the mirror thinking:  “Ugh… this top makes my stomach look bloated from this angle.”  Then I literally stopped myself mid-thought and said:  “Nope!!  No more of that, Debb.” I reminded myself … There was a time when I was 40 pounds heavier, I’ve already come so far, I’m actively working on myself, I’m on a journey and I’m doing well.  Then instead of focusing on my stomach, I looked at my eyes and thought:  “Look how real you are Debb.”  True story. I’m such a weirdo.  But it helped!  And honestly, I have to practice talking to myself this way or else the ego mind (what yogis call the “monkey mind”) takes over and leaves me feeling like garbage.  And I hate garbage!  It’s gross.  It stinks.  It takes up space.  My goal ultimately is to feel good.  And not to see a certain number on a scale because …   

The Scale Isn’t The Whole Story

One of you messaged me after my last blog and said:  “I used to weigh myself all the time, but if the number wasn’t where I wanted it to be, it ruined my mood and my whole day.”  I feel you!  Yes, numbers can provide information. But they are not the full story.  Does a number on a scale define me?  No.  Am I still funny and cool no matter what the scale says?  Obviously.  Am I still kind, weird, honest and enthusiastic about life?  I’d say yes.  Do I still love connecting with people?  YES.  So why not focus on that?  I understand why we get attached to numbers. Humans like measurable progress. We like facts and proof and data. (And the media and the world’s expectations of beauty messes us up!)  Just sayin’ … but lately I’ve been trying to shift my lens more and more.  Instead of obsessing over:  “Lose 25 pounds.”  I’m trying to focus more on:  my habits, consistency, strength, energy, mindset and how I speak to myself.

Protein, Macros & The Real Tea 

One thing I’ve realized since tracking my food again is, I don’t eat enough protein, unless I’m intentional about it.  The other night I was short by about 20 grams, so I literally added a can of tuna to my salmon, quinoa and brussel sprouts dinner. Mouthwatering? No. Effective? Yes! Protein matters for so many reasons, especially as we age and go through hormonal changes: it supports muscle growth and maintenance, helps boost metabolism, supports recovery after workouts, helps stabilize blood sugar, keeps us fuller longer, and helps maintain strength as estrogen declines during perimenopause and menopause.

And muscle matters a lot.  The more lean muscle mass we maintain, the more supported our metabolism tends to be.  Generally speaking, I aim for 1 gram of protein per “goal” pound of body weight (something I learned through my Nutrition Coaching Course, not just random sh*t). So for me, my goal weight is around 145 lbs, meaning I aim for roughly 145 grams of protein daily.  Carbs also get such a bad rap, but carbs are not the enemy! We need carbohydrates for energy, especially if we’re working out regularly. The same formula as protein is ideal.  Glucose is literally fuel for the body and the brain.  The key is balance and quality:  oatmeal, quinoa, brown rice, fruit, vegetables.  Also, side note, I recently bought a Vitamix and OH EM JEE!! Life changing. I now put oatmeal in my smoothies. OATMEAL.  Yes, the Vitamix is expensive.  That’s why I avoided it for so long.  “The Ninja is fine.”  Until it wasn’t.  And also, that’s what Amazon and credit cards are for, right?!  Would I rather spend money on a Vitamix than a shopping trip because none of my clothes fit comfortably? Yes! Priorities.  It’s funny, we’ll throw $100 into a slot machine without blinking (yes, we is me), but question spending money on things that actually support our health. 

Dairy, Bloating & Becoming A Detective

Another thing I’ve noticed.  Less dairy = less bloating for me.  I’ve switched to coconut yogurt for my smoothies and honestly oh em jeee … game changer, just like the Vitamix. I no longer look six months pregnant after breakfast!  I’m not saying dairy is “bad.” It just means I’m learning what works for my body.  I think that’s the bigger lesson:  Wellness isn’t one-size-fits-all.  Our body is constantly communicating with us. We just have to slow down enough to listen.

Focus On Identity, Not Just Outcomes

One thing I recently heard from Mel Robbins (yes, my bestie) really stuck with me.  Her podcast last week was on habits and she was referencing James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, and his perspective on goals and identity.  In my case/my goal, the idea is:  Instead of obsessing over the outcome, ask “what would someone who takes care of themselves do?”  Boom!  Mic drop.  Maybe this isn’t really about: losing 25 pounds, fitting into old jeans, or chasing a number on the scale.  Maybe this is about becoming someone who: respects their body, nourishes themselves, moves consistently, rests, notices their thoughts, and speaks to themselves with compassion.  Maybe that’s the real transformation.

So Where Am I Now?

As of today, I’m down 4 pounds in 2 weeks.  But instead of obsessing over the scale, I’m trying to focus more on: 4–5 workouts/week, 3 yoga classes/week, 3 walk/runs, tracking my macros (more protein, less fat), drinking water, sleeping better, and being kinder to myself.  Practice over perfection.

On that note, sleep has already improved too!  We (yes we, Rui is joining me in this earlier bed time routine) are adjusting our sleep routine to be in bed at 9:30pm.  No technology.  Writing in my journal, my gratitude list and reading.  I’ve been doing this routine for years to be honest but definitely not at 9:30pm.  Usually 10:30-11 so that’s a shift.  My energy is already better. My mood is better. My body feels less inflamed.  Better sleep, better mood, better energy, better wife, better life.  And Betty.  She’s the best!

Final Tea

If you’re on your own journey right now, whether it’s weight loss, healing, hormones, mindset, confidence or trying to feel better in your own skin, just know you’re not alone.  We’re all figuring it out as we go.  One workout at a time.  One walk/jog at a time. One kinder thought at a time.  One scoop of protein powder at a time.  Maybe the real goal isn’t perfection.  Maybe the real goal is learning to speak to ourselves with the same kindness, patience and encouragement we give to everyone else.  Maybe next time you look in the mirror, you’ll notice something different.  Maybe you’ll "catch yourself" so you can coach yourself. Maybe you'll realize the goal is not perfection. Maybe, it's learning how to love, support and trust yourself along the way. Maybe. Finally.

Until next Tuesday … 

Building strength, mindset, and real-life consistency … one breath at a time :)

💗 Yoga Debb